Job Fair Fail
If you remember from Wednesday post, I was headed to a job fair. The city was unfamiliar to me. Anxiety was high as I tried to locate the convention center. Thanks God for Jobs, may he rest in peace (I’m sure there’s an app for that.) Using the map app on my Iphone, I found my way there. Had a close call with another car in my lane (headed my way!) Spent ten minutes looking for a place to park, and ran down my gas in the process. Finally, I parked. I got all my resumes together and headed in. I was decked to the nines, feeling good, looking good, etc etc etc.
Well, 90% of the potential employers were of the manufacturing/retail variety. The hospital was there so I walked over and introduced myself. I informed them that I had applied for the Legal Affairs Specialist. They informed me that it was filled. Cue “Ultimate Deflation.” I knew this would mark my evening. Sure enough, as I poked around and asked around, there were no positions for a recently certified paralegal. One small private college was looking for a web designer. I felt I had nothing to lose to ask about it and gave them my resume.
I walked out of there feeling quite defeated. I made sure not to show it. I strode out as apparently confident as I strode in. I got in my car (after a half-mile hike) and beat on the steering wheel. I drove off to find a gas station, filled up. I, then, drove off to my favorite shopping chain (not Wal-Mart) and purchased eggnog. Drove home and proceeded to drown my sorrows in glasses of eggnog.
This was a blow to my confidence. It shouldn’t have been. Rationally, I didn’t expect much but I was hoping all the same. It doesn’t help that I haven’t received any calls from anyone I’ve applied to. I was feeling low, blue, dejected and more depressed than just the seasonal allowance. I’ve since started to feel better and am getting back on the horse. For two days, I had felt like the factory is all I deserved to have, ridiculous I know.
Doesn’t help that my current boss is heaping ever more responsibilities on me without any official recognition for the assistant level status I’ve obviously attained. I checked my job description, it listed all my responsibilities (none of which were any that was heaped on me), but it also says “And any additional tasks deemed necessary by your supervisor.” Shit… So I can’t say no. I didn’t want this and he didn’t ask me. Nobody at work (except my ex) understands why I don’t want this. They think it is a good thing, but it isn’t. I am being set up to take a fall. This man had operated this way in all the supervisory positions he ever had. Someone becomes the “golden child” then after a year he chops them down brutally. I’m being targeted and I don’t know why! Yes, I possess initiative but I also kept my head down and did everything I am asked without questions nor expressions of doubt. Maybe he’ll break the pattern with me, but I’m not holding out hope.
I’m tired and am going to play Minecraft for a bit. Goodnight all.
Peril P. Eagle