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A New Kinda Suckitude

March 19, 2013

You may have noticed my disappearance, and some of you may have even gone so far as to wonder about me.

Let’s start with when I first disappeared. Winter succeeded in kicking my ass . I was lethargic and down. I stopped looking and started to laze around. My mother helped me get through the winter.

Fast forward to March, I started to feel better, more alert, more aware . Then my mother was hospitalized for pains in the abdominal area. Doctors said cancer. As you can imagine, my mood took a nosedive. However, I held out hope that it wasn’t fatal.

She decided to go to go to CTCA to get a second opinion. They said stage 2 peritoneal cancer. Treatable. At least,that’s what she told me. So I’m putting around feeling a bit more positive. Months go by, good news after good news over the phone. Then first week of February, I get a text from my mother’s housemate. She had fallen and was in the hospital and that was just the beginning of my nightmare.

She seemed lucid and aware when I saw her that friday. It was then i discovered it was actually stage 4. By February 10th, her health took a dive and she lost so much weight that she did look like herself. Then she passed as they were changing her bed clothes. It was surreal. It was quiet and she still seemed very much alive at a glance. I didn’t know what to expect but I thought there would some obvious signs besides just not breathing. I kept shaking her foot just hoping she only fell asleep.

It’s been stressful handling everything from her estate to her funeral. Everyone looked to me to be the strong one. All I wanted to do was just fall apart and start blubbering. But no. I’m supposed to be the stoic one. I played the part well. Now it is March and my shrink encouraged me to move west to be closer to family.

While I love my family and they will do their best to help me and support me, they do not understand me nor my condition. My mother understood and had helped me develop ways to work around my various quirks and tendencies so that important thing can still be done regardless of my mood and place in my cycle.

They do not understand that in order to overcome a flaw or failing, I need to develop tricks to minimize damage that the quirk or failing can cause. So while I’d be with family, I’m still very much alone.

As part of the plan to move west, I’ll be getting my teeth fixed, getting work as paralegal out there, and finding a place to live. Hopefully I’ll be able to accomplish this by Christmas this year.

So yeah, all in all, it’s been a bad year. I will try to keep you all updated on my progress in going west.

Signing off;
Peril P Eagle

3 Comments leave one →
  1. May 21, 2013 6:00 PM

    Sorry it took so long for me to catch up. Most of us can only guess what you are going through. I’ve lost grandparents to similar issues, but thankfully still have both Mom and Dad, although I can barely fathom losing either one. It’s been weeks since you posted, but I hope you are still checking in.

    • May 21, 2013 6:16 PM

      Thank you for your kind words. Read your latest adventure and can truly relate. Try not to hit the sauce to hard. I myself overdid it while I was in SLC burying her ashes. Too easy to call on that old friend, Alcohol. Still fighting that demon and sorta winning. Or at least have it under some semblence of control. Good luck to you my friend.

  2. May 22, 2013 5:25 PM

    Aw, Peri, I’m so sorry to see this. Grumpy’s blog pointed me in this direction. I, too, haven’t been keeping up with the paralegal bloggers the way I used to. My heart goes out to you. I hope things are starting to get better for you.

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